It is strange to think this time last year I was trudging through the snow to work with nothing but a jacket and my uniform. I was colder then than I am now. Having been kicked out of my house for finally standing up to my Dad... changed everything. I think it changed me more than it changed him. Today, living there seems like a completely different life. Yeah, things are rough sometimes, but I can actually have discussions with my Father and not afraid of the outcome. Fear has driven so much of my life...
To me it is odd this last year, half the people I know now I had no idea even existed. And of all places to feel a desire to be, Portland was the last on my list. God's funny that way.
This time last year, I was confused and unclear... This time this year... I am still confused about the same things. Though one thing has changed. Even though I dread the aftermath and do not understand the beginning, I can jump with both feet first. Christ is my rock, and if He is my rock, nothing can shake me.
It is strange to think it has been so long. Made to believe I was beautiful inside and out I responded with honesty. But those things never last do they. At least that is what I have heard. It is hard to think two people's recollection can be so distant and different. But this year God has finally taken that place. He has always made me most joyous. Now it has sunk in deep. It dwells in the parts of my heart where the rusted doors have finally been made clean.
Now I work. I will work tirelessly until my work is done. Whatever it is you have for me Lord, even though they tell me I cannot, even though I am confused and afraid, I trust you will pave the way for me. In that lies my confidence. In that will I always believe.
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