Beautiful

It is a chase. A game. And through it all God is tearing forth the most fearful parts of me.

"Really God, I think we can skip that part today. I mean, I want to get where you are teaching me to be, but doing that to get there? -.....- I think I might get sick..." says I.

Then God gives me faith in just the tiniest amount in the tiniest of situations and it totally blows my mind. I get a taste of where He wants me and like a fool go back to face my fears again and again. Unfortunately, I cannot just let go of my vices. I have to, you know, work through them, or something like that. I think it is called growing. Yeah... growing. It was never a scary word until I learned its full power. It means all the things I wish could just go away come to the front, and they get dealt with.

I envy those with problems they can face alone. Mine have to involve others in order for them to enter any sort of reality whatsoever as far as my emotions are concerned.

This thing oppresses me. It strangles and pushes and hits and bruises. Still I am walking forward through it. I can only pray that God lets it end this time. That I will understand and will not be beaten again. Then it will be a beautiful ending.

Thank you God for Your plan, please help me become steadfast and constant in you so I may be
a strong stone for others to stand on and a light for them to see.

I am reminded of what true love is and its source... and I wonder: do you? And do you desire it in your heart of hearts?

And God asks me to grow.


Beautiful Ending by Barlow Girl

Oh, tragedy
Has taken so many
Love lost cause they all
Forgot who You were
And it scares me to think
That I would choose
My life over You
Oh, my selfish heart
Divides me from You
It tears us apart

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Oh, why do I
Let myself let go
Of Hands that painted the stars
And hold tears that fall?
And the pride of my heart
Makes me forget
It's not me but You
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You
And dying from me

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Will my life
Find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by Your side?
'Cause Your love is beautiful
So beautiful