So Much, So Little, So Inbetween

There are a lot of things I want to express. Words are just hard to find. I pondered writing a blog of all my random thoughts throughout the day, but quickly lost interest in the idea...or maybe I was distracted. My writing is being influenced, changed. I think I like it. God is working with it. Now to expand my vocabulary once again. Retaining is difficult for me. Not memorization. Retaining. Like emotions. Grasp them I cannot (ah, Yoda, you have taught me well). Whenever it seems something like anger or sorrow or happiness or excitement comes it only lasts a little while, then disappears. Sometimes they don't come at all. In fact, that is the case most of the time. Is that normal? But something deep inside me understands. It knows. It does all the feeling for me, I guess. Everlasting joy, on the other hand, never escapes me. Christ rocks.
"Black and white is closing in around you...", "I know black and white will never fade to gray." Good artists. Kutless and Haste the Day (respectively, of course). It makes me think of all the people who believe in gray. Who see nothing God has set forth. Gray is not of God. It is of the world. God is black and white. Simple concepts, difficult application. Make sense? Good.
I had a dream. A boy committed suicide in a gas station bathroom here in town. Well, that wasn't the dream. That really happened. In the dream I was walking with him down a gravel road. There was an embankment on the one side with blackberries and then trees at the top. It was really bright. He walked ahead of me to my left. He turned his head back while he talked to me. I knew he was dead, even though he was right in front of me. In that time we walked, which seemed to be forever, I needed to say nothing. Only listen. I understood how he felt and knew my heart went out to him (couldn't really feel it). In the beginning I did feel remorse for never reaching out to him. But he simply turned to me and I knew it was OK. He didn't hold it against me. Usually my subconscious doesn't deal with my regrets. Hmmm.
What if black and white just produces color?
I became lonely. But then I let God reach back in. Guess that was a while ago. Been thinking about it.
John 1. Powerful. If you are of the light you understand. You aren't trying to "figure it out", you are learning and growing. Testing against scripture. If the Word is God, and the Word is Christ, and the Word became flesh, and Christ is Truth, and the Word is truth.... doesn't that mean there is black and white, right and wrong, light and dark? Didn't it say light and dark? Interesting thought. There is a lot about light and dark in the Bible. The Bible points to Christ. Every last Word. So do you really believe? I used to question. Not anymore. Not after what he has shown me. I have authority and confidence in the truth because Jesus Christ is my authority and confidence. He is solid. "So let the wind come. And let the rain come. And blow the house down with a foundation of sand. So let the wind come. And let the rain come. You can't blow the house down with a foundation of God." Disciple. Old Disciple. Now there's a good concert.
There was this weird music coming from the computer and I couldn't make it stop. Actually, it was quite annoying. I was going to listen to music. Then I realized I had my phone.
Be still. Rest. A good reminder for my past few weeks. My brain has been going a million miles per hour and I can't stay focused on anything long enough for someone to hear my complete thought. I hear it. Does that count? No. Not really.
I think I'll start singing again. Building my voice. I have lost so much of it. Piano, too. I have been playing more. That is something I can feel. It feels so good. It's time to pick up the bass. It is time to pick up a lot of things. Time is too short.
Stories. They are cool. I have pretty complete characters now. Yep. I am one of those nerds that writes with characters. I started writing stories when I was in eighth grade. After my notebook was stolen twice I was wondering if I would ever get anywhere. Then I got really far. Then I stopped writing. And then...And then...And then...And then... So now with one of my friends we have the most epic Biblically based fantasy story ever. That is right. Not saying it's better than Tolkien or Lewis...but it might be close. There is some excitement I can grasp.
I like nice people. They help keep my faith in those that suck. Maybe instead of a selfish cold shoulder some jerks just need a nice person...even if it means they get stepped on a little. Got to love selflessness.
I think that is all for today, folks. I am getting bored. Getting a board? Sure. K, bye.