Change Is Come

God... God...

Sometimes when I sit and pray... this is all I can think of. It is all that can escape my thoughts. For the longest time I was ashamed of it, especially during prayer at church. Even though I know all that matters is that He, the Creator, loves me and knows my heart, I desired the proof of my faith to others. Now I just long to sit in that overwhelming place of... "God...".

In Francis Chan's book Crazy Love He writes:

"I believe He wants us to love others so much that we go to extremes to help them. I believe He wants us to be known for giving- of our time, our money, and our abilities- to start a movement of "giving" churches. In so doing, we can alleviate the suffering in the world and change the reputation of His bride in America. Some people, even at church, have said to me flat-out, "You're crazy." But I can't imagine devoting my life to a greater vision."

And I remembered being told that. Simply, "You're crazy." It made me laugh. Thinking about it now after all God has done in my life, it was the first time I ever dreamed of giving so much for something that served me not just little, but not at all. Something seemingly silly and extreme. It is where He began to show me how to love others above myself. The experience I had that day was one that would begin to change my life. I think it is why I want to be friends now. You are a reminder of the most important thing in my life, no, in all the universe: God loves us. God loves me.

So now I give all my things away. The things I tried to hold onto, still, even after I knew it was time to give it all up. Now it is for real. Jesus I devote my life to you. Take all of me, the nothing I am, and make me a light for you. Make me a servant to others, that they cannot help but be drawn to the Almighty God at the sight of Your work in me. God you are so Great, and I am so small. Be my Master and let me love in such a way as You did in laying down Your life. This life You have for me feels like living on the edge. But I am excited now, not afraid. The shallow life I have lived is fading away. Deepen it, Lord, that the world might be changed to know and experience you even more than I am now.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.